I am sure there are more like me out there, people that have made goals and reached them by keeping their eyes on the prize. But that just isn’t good for you anymore. It can make you sick. Sure there is Covid and climate change and war, and poisoned drugs and businesses closing and jobs lost just to name a few depressing things to think about. So is it any wonder we are confused. And what about my personal problems. Start with my health. Going to my doctor is becoming a series instead of a movie. As soon as we fix one thing we find another. I can’t afford to be out of commission. I have responsibilities! My husband needs me to help carry his weight as well as my own. He has been slowly becoming more dependent on machines like his oxygen tanks, his nebulizer and his pacemaker. He needs his breathalyzers and his oxogen saturation finger tester and he can’t eat salt so more cooking challenges. I won’t even touch the subject of all his drugs. With all this and more, you can just imagine his state of mind.
But in spite of or because of all these things, I have learned a few lessons to help me cope. I have changed a few habits and looked at my day to day life in a different light.
First, I hardly make any plans. I have a couple of volunteer jobs that are scheduled so on my calendar they go. I have a number of friends that I can call for spur of the moment activities . I joined a 50+ group to have company when I paint. If I want some exercise I go to the local Aquatic Center and swim.
The most important thing that has kept me sane is where I live. Our house is small, about the size of a large apartment. Our kitchen, living room and dining are one big room. We have lots of light and an old carport that goes down the side of the building that will be converting into a sun room with a futon for guests. It will be all glassed-in and sits right among the fir tees that grow thickly for 20 acres above us. I love this forest and spend many hours walking the dog up the roads and trails. I have my daughter Stacie and her husband, Bernie, that have welcomed us and who live in the Big House and supply timely support. How lucky are we to have family wanting us to live with them and share our last years.
I notice how much our lifestyle has changed since Covid. Many things we took for granted suddenly were threatened or missing. At first we were slow to realize the power of this phenomenon but soon found out. Then the realization that it was global, a new concept for most of us. And as it raged we began to feel afraid and helpless and even panicky. How do we fight this thing, this threat?? Thank heavens our leaders acted for us when we were faltering. But their leadership was met with mistrust and criticism in spite of the many lives that were saved.
It felt like the “new rules” would never let up. Wear a mask, keep your distance , no crowds, not even family, stay at home. We received a suggestion to stock up on essentials but the delivery chain is in trouble. It never stayed the same for more than a week. People started to get “cabin fever” and sick of rules keeping us away from our families. I was one of those that approved of strict rules. I wanted more safety regulations. But I has a very vulnerable family member and didn’t want to bring anything home.
But we are now in a slightly better place. But cautious and nervous. And life goes on.
Every day I can go outside, even if I just throw the remaining ice and dirty snow piles around the driveway to make it thaw faster. I am already raking and burning small piles of the winter’s debris. My tulips are up 6 inches even near the snow. The days are getting warmer and everything is starting to regrow. I am trying to ignore the tendency to wish for more and sooner. I am trying (not always successfully) to be patient with Canadian Immigration to grant Dale’s his Medical Insurance, his permission to bring up all our household goods that still remain in Washington, my Fair Pharmacare, and our income taxes. But things are starting to move albeit slowly.
It is necessary for me to get away from home frequently so that I don’t get overwhelmed. But I am deep down waiting for something bad to happen. Like last week Dale and I went to Costco. Dale stayed in the car while I started to shop. He said he’d come in later. I told him I’d be at the Membership area. I went in the “IN” door and went to a small table selling memberships. I waited and waited and waited, no Dale. Finally I went back outside to find our car. All the time afraid that he had a heart attack and had gone to the hospital. I found the car and it was empty, so relieved I went back in to the store to find him. I spotted him coming out of the rest rooms. When we met he was angry and said that he knew the Membership area was near the “OUT” door so he went in that way. “And where the heck did I go?” It appeared that there were two membership areas. But this scenario was not unusual and it takes a toll on both of us.
So I try to cope not knowing almost anything. But one thing I do have to show for all this is new art. A good way to spend my creative energy. Here are a few that I am working on.
Chat again soon…